I try not to get upset and overwhelmed too often. It’s hard, but most of the time I just try to stay in the moment and enjoy the now.
But sometimes? Oh! Sometimes, I just feel the emotion welling up inside, the tears trying to burst their way out through my eyes and down my cheeks. Sometimes it’s hard to stay in the moment.
I had one of those “sometimes” today. We took the kids down to the beach for a play before dinner. The afternoon was stunning and warm. The beach was busy, with surfers riding the waves and swimmers frolicking, and young children building sandcastles with their parents. It was perfect, one of those days where you are glad to be alive. And then I looked at James.
James was sitting in his chair, gazing longingly at the surf and the sand. I could tell, just by his expression and the wistful look in his eye, that he wanted to be jumping over the waves, running in the sand, and building sandcastles. I could see he was sad, but trying desperately not to show it. He doesn’t like us to see him sad, because then we get sad. So he holds it all in. And that’s what he was doing – just keeping it all together so mum and dad would be happy.
It’s times like this I know I can’t make a fuss. He doesn’t want to be caught out looking longingly at all that he is unable to do. He makes light of it, pretends that he’s happy sitting in his chair and people watching. But he knows that we know, he can see that we see. I am glad I was wearing my sunglasses and could hide behind my camera, because those tears made an appearance. The fears crept back, and the sadness took hold of my heart. I felt so sad for him.
And then she was by his side. His sister, his best friend, could see that he was feeling sad, and she came up and joined him. He put his arm around her and rested his head on her shoulder, and her arm went protectively around him. She is his guardian angel, his protector, his friend for life. She adores him, she lives for him, she does everything for him. He doesn’t ask her to, she just does.
That’s when my tears flowed uncontrollably, when I saw the love that is so evident. I just know, she will always look after him. Always.